夢を叶うな～

いま。昔の友達の写真を見ていた。　外国の旅行写真だった。　景色はすごく綺麗で、展望絶佳(てんぼうぜっか)だ。

羨ましいでしよ、こんなに素敵なところへ行った。私もいつか行けるように。。。でもね、私も若くないだろう、いくつか行ける？　その夢、私にはやりきれないだ。いつも思い出しながら、心も痛みを感じる。　
もし本当に叶うなら、あの時の私はどう思うだろう？　

時々私そういう感想がある：夢近く続いて、ものすごく悪いことになるかも。なら、多分このまま何もせずに、夢は夢見ればいい。夢を叶って、その後は何だ？また別の夢をつくる？それとも欲望がない人になる？もし何もなったら？たぶん次の問題は「どうする、どうなる」って自分に聞かれなきゃ。その「なにも」って感じこそ怖じさせる。

Life is Vulnerable

Life is just like a champagne glass with a very small base - a slight push is all it takes to break it into many pieces.

She was admitted to hospital and almost died, collapsed and wasn't breathing. A relapse of a sickness that was mistakenly diagnose as neurotic depression initially. Luckily, she survived, with the correct medication to help stablize her condition.

Almost couldn't believe that I had to go to CCU to visit her, it was like a sign that it will be the last time I will be seeing her face, alive. My friend went in and burst out crying, coming to me with all tears and asking me to go see her. I was more cowardly than I thought... Waited outside and refused to go in, just seeing her face from afar and trying to grab the lie that she is okay. I don't want to go in and have the feeling of 'to see her for the last time'.

After dragging for 10 over minutes, I gathered enough courage to go beside the bed, seeing her face. It wasn't that pale as I thought, and she could speak, but not clearly.

'I was afraid that I might never see you all again.' was what she said to me. I almost lose control over my tears. I couldn't stand there talking to her for long, as I didn't want to cry in front of her, it was too depressing. Death is so heavy to talk of at the moment. It was then that I truely felt how life is so fragile, just like candle in the wind. Her life was flickering like a small candle flame and struggling painfully to stay alive.

I was knocked with the truth that friends may just die any moment and leave me; guessed I wrapped myself with the comforting but stupid and naive thought that my friend will always be living well and healthy.

Thankfully to whatever, she is fast recovering and was transferred to normal ward now. However, her mood and feelings would be one of the crucial point to determine her full recovery.

I hope she can recover fully, be healthy and stay happy. To her, we may not meet that often, or even talk to each other frequently, but I know nothing is more comforting and happy than to know that she is living, and healthy.

I Love Cocktails

25 July 1952: Puerto Rico becomes a commonwealth.

San Juan
1½ oz. (3 Tbsp.) light rum
1 oz. (2 Tbsp.) grapefruit juice
1 tsp. coconut milk
2 tsp. fresh lime juice
½ cup crushed ice
2 tsp. brandy

Blend ingredients, except brandy, in a blender until smooth. Pour into a tumbler or wineglass. Float brandy on top.